This is a letter I wrote years ago in response to a challenge. For it you had to write something to a quality you wished you had more of. I've rewritten it to reflect who I am today. What would your letter be to? Dear courage, I thought I’d write a letter to you instead of diving into my life to find stories that will put me in your light. That is so hard to do as I don’t see myself as a very courageous person. You see, courage, as I’m writing this I am in bed, comfortably miserable. Days on end of sleeping for 3, 4 hours a night has made me so tired that I want to be in a place where I’m able to fall over the moment I get really sleepy. That’s not something a courageous person does. I think. What do courageous people do...? I assume they are either heroic or they do what they want to, without fear. Now I’ve written that line down and read over it again, I can’t help but wonder if that’s courage, though? Isn’t doing what you want to do just going with the flow? I was able to go with the flow for a long time. I had no physical challenges, didn’t have many worries, and yet... When I'm honest, I think my life was less fulfilling than it is now. Yes, I was able to do all I wanted, and I chose to watch tv all evening after work, just because I could, or I would fritter away on my computer in a chat room I liked. In hindsight, I wasn’t very courageous, and I wasn’t very happy either. I didn’t accomplish much other than earning a lot of money for work I hated to love. Now I do what I love whenever I can. I’ve always known I wanted to be a writer, but during my "go-with-the-flow years" I never gave myself a chance to be one. I wrote my first novel when my physical challenges held me in their firm grip. Funny how that happens. Anyway, back to my letter to you, courage. When I read through what I wrote earlier, I realised that I’ve changed my definition of you. One of my assumptions was that courage equals heroism. I guess the reason why us that as a kid I really loved movies about heroes like Ivanhoe, and tales about Richard Lionheart. My definitions changed as more challenges came into my life. I felt courageous when I told my gynaecologist to take out my uterus because I was worn out after two years of fighting to heal it. I felt courageous when, years later, I decided to fight for my life after a bad diagnosis. Courage didn't only come with big health scares. I felt courageous when I started to publish my work, share my art, living my creative life fully. Each of these moments made me rethink my definition of you, dear courage. It now has been dragged from my mediaeval fantasies to the here and now and to a deeply flawed humanity. So what does being courageous mean? I'm courageous when I fight for my health, my life. I'm courageous when I do something that scares me. I’m courageous when I write something for my blog and publish it right away. I’m courageous when I share something that is really close to my heart. I’m also courageous when I decide to stop writing so I can go take a nap. Because, dear courage, I think that sometimes self care is the most courageous thing one can do. Ever. Love, Sylvia