Something I’ve done over the past few years is to organize and write out my thoughts to where I don’t lose them as soon as they enter my head. This year I’ve filled a day/week/month planner with my work schedule, dates my bills are due, things I can tangibly see to not forget. This bill is due on this day, I have X days off this week for weekend coverage, I have meetings here, here and here, things like that. Even with my writing, I have a list of topics for Blaugust that I preplanned writing about. Will I use any of those topics? Maybe? Nothing says I have to, but I have them in my back pocket if I need them. For a long time, I thought that my “order in chaos” methodology was the play, that I could remember all of these things, call them up from the top of my head for whatever occasion came up, only to realize that, no, I had this same “epiphany” in college when I bombed the first test in a science class. It hit me then that, no I need to study, I need to write things down, I need to have as few “surprises” as possible with my day in order to not melt down and completely fall apart. I like consistency, I like knowing what is on my agenda for a given day, I don’t like having curveballs thrown my way, or just not knowing what is coming down the pipe, even when it’s partially on me to know what is coming. When I don’t have anything planned, and have a whole day or few to do whatever? Sure, let’s be spontaneous, I’m up for anything within reason, but if I have things planned, or a schedule I need to keep up with, I need to stick to that to function correctly. I think it’s why I take such joy from working on the house, or the yard, or a project in general. I may not know exactly how it’s going to go, but I have a general idea in my head, an order for how I think something will go. My work day is scheduled, and I have my personal goal of “I want to hit X number of calls for the day, and Y for the whole week. If I hit Y early, I can take it easy”. My work time is scheduled in my head, I start making dinner at 6pm, I jump in the shower between 10/11pm, and I go bed somewhere in the ballpark of 11pm. Whatever I do between the margins is open, but I want to stay on schedule for the big things. I think I’m just at a point in my life where I don’t necessarily want to deal with surprises anymore, don’t want to be thrown off my routines if I can help it. I have my schedule, I know what’s coming and when, and I can mentally prepare for it as it comes. An outage last week that hit as soon as I clocked in, a surprise, but it’s work, and I’m here to work, so, I don’t mind it as badly as say, my power goes out in the middle of my day (which has happened before). A spur-of-the-moment trip to Parts Unknown on an off day doesn’t throw me off like it used to, because well, there’s nothing on my agenda, nothing major pressing down on me. If I’m going to work a Saturday or Sunday, I’d rather know about it well ahead of time instead of forgetting it until the last couple days beforehand because I didn’t check my schedule ahead of time. My battle with my closet over the weekend was spur-of-the-moment, but, it wasn’t like I didn’t know about it. I’ve wanted to get it done for months, I just finally had a day to where I could get it done, work in peace, and now it’s off of my docket for good. Replacing my washer and dryer on the other hand? Not a fan of that springing up out of nowhere. They’re replaced, but the $1100 that got put on my Lowe’s card? Now I have to re-budget to account for that expense. It needed done, and I’m happy with what I picked out to replace them, but man, I didn’t need that sprang on me like that. Or to go further back, I didn’t like having to replace my PSU and PC case because the both of them failed while I was away for training last fall. Or having to fix a hole in my hallway wall a few years ago because I slipped and my foot went straight through the drywall on my way down. Those are the things that make me panic and flake out, not something that I know is coming, even if I don’t have an exact date planned. If I have time to mentally get ready for a big expense like that, I’ll be fine, and for the most part, I was with the washer and dryer, but I still didn’t like that this problem rose up out of nowhere and I had to handle it. Mercifully, it was as painless as it could be. We moved the old ones to the garage, had someone pick them up, and the delivery people brought the new ones in where I wanted them. Easy enough, and I didn’t freak out at the time crunch since I was in training for two weeks and wasn’t on the phones. I like knowing where I’m going and what I’m doing at a given point. I don’t need every second and step mapped out, but telling me where I need to be and when, then letting me color in the lines myself does a wonder for me as far as stress goes. Having my schedules written out, my planner filled with dates and times and what I have planned for each day lets me keep my routine, while still having room to freewheel when I need to, rearrange as things come up, and not have to keep everything straight in my head all the time. It’s a load off my mind, one less thing I have to juggle throughout my day. It’s all there in my little planner, I know what I’m doing, I don’t have to put more brain power towards remembering X thing past writing it down or throwing it on my pin board. If I want to work on my yard on a Sunday, mark it down, then go do it on that day, it isn’t that hard. As long as I remind myself to mark something down, I’m good. Not as many things fall through the cracks, it frustrates me less, because I know otherwise I will forget. I don’t have to obsess over my hours, obsess over time nearly as much when I can see it all laid out. I know what I have going on, know what I have time to do, and when I can and can’t do something. It helps, especially when I can’t trust my own brain some days. I just hope I don’t have to keep having this discussion with myself to understand it’s okay to have a planner for my day, to prefer things to be on-time and according to schedule.