I have been working to check off boxes so my brain will be quiet. Then when I complete one task, another worry presents itself. My mental health hasn’t been too great after being in flight or fight mode for a month. I’m beginning to question how I function. Am I only trying to live up to people’s expectations? I’m trying my best to be present and exist in the moment. I don’t want to take on too much or go into anything unprepared. I know what happens when I do. Struggling at some point or another is inevitable. I’m not saying I never expect to make mistakes. I want to keep being responsible and make decisions for the right reasons. My anxious mind convinces me I’ve failed if I didn’t do something soon enough. That I’m a coward. I have felt dread when opening up about what I couldn’t achieve. Letting people down has become traumatic. I don’t want to convince myself that I’ve wasted someone’s time. You know I’m struggling when everyone around me has been telling me to relax. Completing tasks is what gives me a sense of control. Some of the pressure leaves me. Control is soothing, but am I truly happy where I’m at? When the peace is always temporary? What am I living for?